Relationship Skills
In just a few weeks, I will be launching an online couples workshop. Like doing preventative care for your physical health increases long-term health, learning relationship skills helps promote long-term connection. There are skills you can learn that have been proven to be helpful no matter what stage of relationship you are in.
One of the skills I teach often is how to decouple emotions from behavior. What this means is when there is an emotion present, say anger, you know how to express it and care for the energy it brings separately. For example, you feel angry because your partner forgot an important event they said they would attend with you. If that emotion is paired with behavior you might yell or give them the cold shoulder the minute they get home. The challenge is that it might not help you fully express your need and get the support you want from them given their mistake.
When we learn to separate the energy (behavior) from the expression (sharing what you need) we can often get better care and build more understanding. Returning to our example, if before your partner got home you noticed you felt angry, you allowed yourself to feel the energy of that emotion. You take time to understand it so you can communicate about it with your partner and then to care for the energy you feel by going for a short walk or run. When they get home you bring them into the living room to sit down, and share, “I feel really angry and sad (in a low, slow voice), because I showed up at our financial appointment and you were not there. I wanted you there and really want you to be there with me for those meetings.”
How do you think the partner will respond with the two different behaviors? When we learn how to understand our emotions, communicate effectively with each other, and empathize with our partners it can make a world of difference in the long-term connection of the relationship.
Quick guide to if this course might be helpful for you: Can you share difficult topics with one another? Do you know how to support each other when one of you is in distress? Do you accept each other as you are? Do you support their goals and growth in the ways they need you? Do you have a shared agreements about what you both decide is okay in your relationship and what is not? Do you take responsibility for what makes you difficult to be with and own that behavior when it is causing the other person distress? Do you know how to make decisions together that benefit all of you individually and as a couple? Do you know how to repair effectively after a conflict?
If you answered “no” to any of these questions, this course might be helpful for you!
Sign up here or reach out for more information!
